How tomorrow would look if you had 20 percent more courage

Maybe it’s because Waterville Opera House is running Wizard of Oz the musical right now, but when I think of courage, I think “if I only had the nerve”.

It’s not that I’m cowardly. I’m brave in a lot of areas.

I'm not afraid to take on career challenges, fitness programs, infertility! I take on big responsibilities. I work full time in a male dominated workplace without feeling inferior. I volunteer to raise money for the humanities, asking complete strangers to care about other strangers and give up their hard-earned money to do so. I run my own side hustle empowering women to live their best selves by eating better and exercising. I audition for plays!

But what would tomorrow look like if I had 20% more courage? Would I notice it? Where would I need that courage?

In all honesty, with just 20% more courage, I think I could ask for help.

Something I always thought was a quality of strength is often seen as a vice to people close to me, especially my husband. I think I can do it all. I think that I don’t need anyone else. I view it as being a strong independent woman. My husband has even told me that I don’t need him, and that hurts him. But he’s right. I don’t need him (well maybe financially if I want to keep up my standard of living). But I want him. I want him here with me, in a partnership, in a relationship. But also, if I had to do it alone, I could.

But this also means that I don’t let anyone see me struggle. I don’t ask for help. I don’t reach out when I need support. In fact, I clam up and shut off. I put my head down; take my heart out of the equation and go.

It’s nothing major either. It’s the small stuff. The 20% of life that is done every day, by nearly every person around us. It’s having to do the dishes every day. It’s having to meal plan, grocery shop, and prepare meals every day. It’s cleaning the bathroom, living room, doing laundry. It’s running around making sure my son is where he needs to be. It’s scheduling family events. It’s making decisions. And I’m tired. Boy, am I tired.

And this isn’t to make my husband and son look like lazy freeloaders! I don’t ask for help. I just do it. I always have. They don’t even have time to think about what needs to be done, because I’ve already started it.

So I guess with 20% more courage tomorrow, before I started dinner, I’d ask for help. Meal prep wouldn’t take so long. Dishes would be done. Towels would get dried and taken care of before they have to be washed a 2nd time because mildew set in. We’d have more time together as a family. Maybe we’d even eat at the kitchen table!

Imagine that.