A dialogue between me and my criticizing self

Writing Prompt 2

Scene: Midafternoon, after working 8 hours at her day job career. Jaime is tired; she’s been up since 5 am after getting only about 6 hours of sleep. She prefers 8-9 hours. She’s been looking into the cost to fly half-way across the country to be with her “teammates” at an annual training for her side hustle. Credit cards are near maxed out. Savings account feels off limits.

JAIME                   Ok, so this will cost me minimum $500 if I can find 3 people to share a hotel room with. Otherwise, this is going to cost me more like $800.

CRITICIZING JAIME(CJ)    They say events are nonnegotiable. Figure it out.

JAIME                   Let me just put a post out to the coaches to see who might still be looking for a roommate, because I’m not spending $800 to do this. I won’t drain the savings account and I’m not touching the house account.

Time passes. Jaime goes home, works out, tends to her son, starts dinner… the day passes and no one has responded to her post.

CJ                          See; this is why you quit last time. These aren’t your people. This isn’t your tribe. They couldn’t care less about you. No one even wants to share the cost of a room with you. They’re clearly better at this than you and more successful overall. They can afford a room of their own. $500 isn’t a lot of money for most people.

Jaime goes about her day with CJ’s thoughts playing on a loop through her head. She decides to reach out to a friend.

JAIME                   I think what I'm feeling is the closest I have ever felt to "depressed". I'm taking everything everyone does or says to heart. Or even more so, what they don't say! I've posted a couple of questions in the coach group and NO one answers me.

FRIEND                I get that. That is usually where I just step back from things, if I feel I'm not being heard or my questions aren't answered. I take a step back to see if I just need to give people time or if I need to make some sort of scene.

JAIME                   My instinct it to regress. I'll back away and in time, it won't matter anymore. But I get stuck in my head and say things like, "this is why you quit last time. These aren't your people. This isn't your tribe. You don't have a tribe. You have Chris and Aidan... stop trying."

CJ                          See; this is why you quit last time. These aren’t your people. This isn’t your tribe.

JAIME                   I guess I don’t need a tribe. I have Chris and Aidan and I’m doing this for me.

Later that night, Jaime is on a team call with fellow coaches and her coach.

COACH                 So let’s talk Summit. Jaime, you might want to reach out to people personally, I think there are a few people who are looking for roommates, but it seems like so much is still up in there air with airline tickets and everything. It seems more like a cluster than past years. And please don’t take this personally, but I’d rather sleep in an ice chest than share a room with ANYONE. Are you thinking you might go? While it’s very beneficial, don’t feel guilty if you can’t.

TEAMMATE         Same here. I get my own room, I need to recharge myself. ALONE.

JAIME (to CJ)      It’s not about me. People just don’t know yet or don’t need/want a roommate.

CJ seems to have disappeared.

JAIME                   I’m not going to go. I don’t want to give up my vacation time between Christmas and New Year and I really can’t justify spending the money on just me when for the same amount of money me, my son, and my husband can go to Canada again on vacation together. It’s just not in the cards this year.